Aliens are known to be quite enamored of our species, and because of that they will stop at nothing to breed with us, experiment on us, perform terrible mind tricks and test us in our altered states of reality and if that doesn’t beat all, they’ll erase our memories of the events and do a shoddy job of it. If you suspect for any reason that you have been the victim of alien abduction, you need to read through this list of symptoms very carefully. Here are the signs of alien abduction that everyone should be aware of.

(1) Have you experienced any periods of missing time? Periods that cannot be accounted for? (Not to be confused for high time, borrowed time, bed time, overtime, killing time or the like…)

(2) Do you have any odd markings, unusual scars, designs or wounds for which you have no explanation? Of the many signs of alien abduction, this is probably the most important.)

(3) Have you or are you currently having flying, levitating, falling or floating dreams? And if so, is it your belief that Aliens were responsible? If you can’t recall, skip to number 4.

(4) Do you give credence to spurious information being posited as credible science?

(5) Do you feel as though you are the special chosen one; chosen by some unknown cosmic entity and appointed to save the planet and all of its inhabitants? Or, have you felt the compelling desire to join environmental groups who have the same “save the planet” mentality?

(6) Have you been receiving telepathic messages or channeling entities that claim to be the High Priest of some such planet, or the Overlord of All Mankind? Or do you believe Cher, Elvis, Queen Elizabeth and Michael Jackson are reptilian invaders?

(7) Do you find yourself spending too much time in the shower dreaming about the mother ship?

(8) Do you believe that you can safeguard your thoughts from Alien Super-beings by wearing hats made from tin foil?

(9) Have you experienced any highly vivid or lucid dreams in which you could not move your extremities and were completely helpless while being probed by beings of unknown origin, which had a penchant for making insensitive remarks about your private areas?

(10) Do you recall having been given a tour of crying, green-skinned, twelve-eyed babies in a nursery and being informed that they were yours?

(11) Are you unable to control your urge to surf the net for websites on the unexplained, mysterious and unsolved? Do you root around their forums looking for other people who show signs of alien abduction and find yourself posting information as if you personally knew the aliens yourself?

If you show any or all of these signs of alien abduction, you should know that it is very serious. You are probably being repeatedly abducted and probed and sexually assaulted by some Alien life forms looking for a way to take over the planet. There’s nothing you can do.

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